


Mayhem and Merriment

by jedipati



Category: Transformers Animated (2007)
Genre: Dungeons & Dragons References, Game Night, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Team Bonding, Team as Family, The AllSpark Did It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:47:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28481154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedipati/pseuds/jedipati
Summary: In an attempt to cheer Sari up, the ‘bots agree to play a game she wants to teach them, Dungeons and Dragons. Things go well… but then the coincidences start piling up, and Ratchet gets concerned.
Kudos: 29
Collections: Secret Solenoid '20-'21





	Mayhem and Merriment

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve taken the timeline to be that TFA took place in the early to mid 22nd century. Therefore, Dungeons and Dragons is an older game, and, in this universe, has taken on a level of respectability similar to chess.
> 
> This fic the secret solenoid gift for @katidoo on tumblr and I do hope you enjoy what came of your request. 
> 
> For everyone, the request in question is as follows: _After watching a stream of the game, Sari tries to launch a Dungeons and Dragons campaign with the Bots. Hilarity ensues!_ It’s not quite a stream of the game, but I think I captured the essence of the prompt.

Optimus Prime barely suppressed a grin as he watched Sari Sumdac dart around the common room in their base. The little girl was so excited that they’d all agreed to play this human game with her, she was all but bouncing off the walls. Optimus was sure the only reason she wasn’t literally doing just that was because humans didn’t have the ability to do so.

Optimus didn’t quite understand it, but he thought it’d be a nice chance for the team to spend some time together, and Sari needed to be cheered up

Plus, now that it was back to just the five of them, Optimus wanted to be reminded that there were ‘bots who actually cared about him, and didn’t just use him for what he could do for them (he was resolutely not thinking about a certain Prime currently back on Cybertron, the one with the overly large chin and the bad attitude).

He let her run around for a while, hoping that it would help tire her out so she would sleep after they were done with the game. 

“So, Sari,” Optimus finally said as he reached down and offered Sari a hand so she could get on the table. “This game we’re playing, and the characters you had us make, it’s popular here on Earth?”

“Yep!” Sari said. “Lots of people like it, and it’s a really old game, too. Dad used to play it when he was a kid, and he said that people have been playing it for hundreds of years. And I watched a video about it earlier, and that reminded me.”

Optimus nodded and finally let himself grin. “Sounds like a winner to me,” he said. He sat down at the table, making sure Sari was comfortable in the small human sized table and chair they’d set up on their table, and had her own snacks for the evening.

“Dad always told me he’d like to play this with me when I got a little older,” Sari admitted as they waited for the others. “He taught me how to play, and all, but we never got to play a full session. What’d you pick for your character?”

“I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do at first,” Optimus admitted. “But I picked Cleric in the end. I almost went for Paladin, though.”

Sari nodded. “You can try Paladin another time, maybe?”

Optimus smiled. “If this goes well, I’d like that.”

Prowl and Ratchet entered at the same time, both of them carrying snacks for the ‘bots.

“Hi!” Sari called out.

“Hey, kid,” Ratchet said as he sat down and passed one of the bowls he was carrying to Optimus.

“Where are Bumblebee and Bulkhead?” Sari asked.

“They’re coming. Bulkhead wanted to grab something from his room.”

Almost as soon as Prowl was done talking, the two mentioned bots entered. Bulkhead was carrying a large datapad and he waved it as they sat down.

As he the last two sat down, Optimus felt what almost felt like the energy from Sari’s key go through him. He glanced around but no one else seemed to have noticed.

“Alright,” Sari said happily. “Thank you for playing with me,” she added.

“Of course, Sari,” Bumblebee said. “This is going to be awesome! I looked it all up, and I’m going to be a Fighter!”

Optimus smiled. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised. He knew Bumblebee wished he was in the Elite Guard, and that he was a better fighter.

“What about you, Bulkhead?” Optimus asked.

“Well, I wasn’t too sure, but I thought I might be a Bard.”

Sari giggled. “I like it, Bulkhead. What about you, Prowl?”

“Druid,” Prowl said.

“I decided to be a Barbarian,” Ratchet said. 

Optimus tilted his head slightly. “That’s an odd choice,” he said. 

“Yeah, well, I spend too much time fixing you all in real life, I wasn’t about to pick anything that meant I’d have to do it for fun.”

And that sounded more like Ratchet.

Sari giggled and bounced in her seat. “Then let’s get started!”

Everyone settled in. Time to have some fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone groaned as the alarms went off. They’d just managed to get to the Demon Lord’s lair, and that meant that they’d be able to face off against a demon or two. And Bumblebee had just managed to roll a 20! But no, the Decepticons had chosen right now to attack.

Optimus stood up and carefully picked Sari up to place her on Ratchet’s shoulder. “You two stay here, get the medbay ready. Hopefully, it’s just one of them making a mess. Everyone else, roll out!”

Bumblebee was still complaining by the time they’d made it to the airfield, where, thankfully, it was only Blitzwing. Also thankfully, he was apparently just making a mess to make a mess.

“Blitzwing!” Optimus yelled. 

There was a click and the mech’s face changed to the dark face with the jagged mouth. “Oh, the little Autobots are here!” he said, sounding delighted. “Even the little yellow bug!”

Bumblebee’s stingers sparked. “You got it, Blitzbrain! I bet you can’t catch me!”

“Oh I will dance…” the Decepticon changed faces again. “AND STOMP ON YOU LIKE THE BUG YOU ARE!”

Optimus flicked his hand out, and they split up, Prowl and Bulkhead heading to the left, Bumblebee and Optimus to the right. Optimus hoped they could surround him and keep him distracted enough to take him down.

Thankfully, Bumblebee was doing everything to keep the Decepticon’s attention.

There was a click and Blitzwing’s more rational side appeared. “Are you trying to get me angry, little bug?” he asked.

“Not really,” Bumblebee admitted. “But you’re always so much easier to fight when you’re flying off the handle… or not flying, as the case may be.”

“Oh, little bug thinks he’s funny.” Blitzwing surged forward toward Optimus and Bumblebee, which let Prowl get all the way behind him.

“Nope! I know I’m funny!” Bumblebee said as he and Optimus dodged in separate directions.

“And he’s doing exactly what we planned,” Optimus added. The Decepticon spun to face him, the jagged mouthed face appearing again, distracted from Bumblebee.

“The little Prime. What to turn into a fire truck and race?”

Optimus barely blinked. Sadly, he was becoming used to the Decepticon’s bizarre thoughts. “Nope, not today. Besides, a truck verse a tank- or a truck verse a plane- isn’t exactly a fair race,” he added as he dodged a almost negligent shot from the Decepticon.

“True, but maybe Lord Megatron would know how to judge,” Blitzwing lunged forward and Optimus only barely dodged that attack. Good. Everyone else was almost in position. The Decepticon pouted, and how Optimus knew that with that face, Optimus wasn’t sure. “Come on, little truck. Let’s have some fun?”

“I am,” Optimus lied. He hated this, but better him than anyone else. “After all, we’re basically playing keep away.”

Blitzwing laughed. “Ah yes, a little game of keep away, but you better let me catch you in the end.”

Optimus faked a laugh. “How about I catch you?” he asked. “Or, at least, my team does.”

Blitzwing paused, and that was enough for Bulkhead and Prowl to attack.

“What?” A click, and the rational side was in charge again. “Oh you…” another click and the angry side appeared. “I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL, YOU TREACHEROUS PUNY LITTLE AUTOBOTS!” he threw Prowl at Optimus and faced Bulkhead. But in his anger he’d forgotten about Bumblebee.

The smallest of them had worked his way to a place where he could jump up on Blitzwing’s back, and he did, landing perfectly to jab his stingers right up under the Decepticon’s plating.

Blitzwing yelled in pain, his faces rapidly changing before settling on the blue face. “Some other time, then, Autobots,” he said as he shook Bumblebee off and transformed. He was clearly hurt, and barely dodged Bulkhead’s follow up attack. He flew off, rather erratically.

“Nice hit, Bumblebee,” Optimus said as he and Prowl untangled themselves.

“What was he doing?” 

“Primus only knows,” Bulkhead muttered. “Sometimes I wonder if even Blitzwing does.”

They chuckled. “Anyone hurt?”

“Just some dents, Prime,” Prowl said.

“Not really,” Bumblebee replied. “I think we’re actually all alright, Bossbot,” he added.

Optimus smiled. “Let’s head back, then,” he said. “Well get Ratchet to look at your dents, Prowl, and call it a night.”

“Can we get back to the game?”

Optimus opened a comm to Ratchet. “It’ll probably be too late by the time we get back,” he answered Bulkhead. “Ratchet, no major injuries, and Blitzwing didn’t damage anything we can fix, so we’re heading back.”

“Good,” Ratchet said. “Get back here so I can treat any injuries you young bots got anyway.”

Optimus laughed. “Already on it, Ratchet,” he said.

“Besides, Docbot, it was Prowl who got the worst of it this time,” Bumblebee added.

“Just some dents, Ratchet, nothing major,” Prowl interjected. “I am perfectly fine to travel back to base.”

“I’ll let Sari know,” Ratchet said.

Optimus smiled as he listened to his team bicker. They were in good moods, despite the fight. They’d have to try to play the game again sometime if this was the result.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bulkhead had worked on his character since the last time they’d played, but he still wasn’t sure this would work. He wanted to contribute to the team and last time he’d only managed to get them run out of town. They were all laughing as they escaped the guard, of course, but still.

Thankfully, no one was upset with it. They were having too much fun to blame him. This time, he was going to help them and they’d take on a few bad guys and he was going to be useful. 

Bulkhead settled down next to Sari this time. “Hi big guy!” the little girl said. “You ready?”

“Yeah, I am,” he said. “I made a couple of changes to my character,” he said, handing her the sheet with the information.

“Cool,” Sari said. She read over the information and grinned. “Oh yeah, that’s gonna make things fun,” she said.

Optimus settled on Sari’s other side. “Good fun or bad fun?” he joked with a smile.

Sari’s answering grin turned just a touch devious. “That’s for me to know and you guys to find out.”

Optimus and Bulkhead chuckled along with her as the rest of the team entered from three different doors. 

“Aright, so before we were… interrupted… last time, Bumblebee had just set up an attack on the first of the Demon Lord’s demons, and he’d rolled a 20.”

“Yep!” Bumblebee said with a grin. “So, I launch into an attack…”

Bulkhead shifted and settled in to have some fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Now what?” Ratchet snarled as the monitors went off again. 

They’d just had a spectacular run through a dungeon, and Ratchet was having a lot more fun than he’d want to admit. It was fun, being the one to take point and do the damage- and get the damage too- and let others be the healers. He wouldn’t want to do it in real life, but in a game like this? He could let loose.

Still, he stood up as Optimus went to see what was happening. The Prime’s groan told them all that it wasn’t something serious, but it was something they had to take care of.

“Prime?”

“The Angry Archer is trying to go after a money truck again.”

He spun into his vehicle form. “Let’s go,” he ordered.

“I’m going with you this time, Prime,” Ratchet said.

“Fine, fine. Sari, Bulkhead, hold down the fort here.”

“Got it, Prime.”

“Awww…

The last thing Ratchet heard at the base as they headed into Detroit was Sari’s disappointed sigh.

Once in the area of the attempted robbery, they dispersed, trying to seem like normal vehicles as they searched for the Angry Archer.

Honestly, it was somewhat amazing how the people of Detroit knew they existed, but didn’t think that they were anything but cars until they transformed. Ratchet dropped down a side street, sirens off, as he searched.

And then something landed on top of him. He didn’t react, as the something- a human from the size of it- shifted and laughed.

“And Thus, the Archer doth escape from the foolish lawmen!”

Well, Ratchet thought, I’ve found the Archer. He would have smiled, but as it was, he was in the perfect position to deal with the human. Without even pausing, he transformed, and caught the human in his hand. “The lawmen, maybe,” Ratchet said. “But not me.”

“Foul! Yon metal creature cannot defeat me!”

Ratchet ignored the Archer and his odd way of speaking as he stomped over to where Captain Fanzone waited. He let the others know that he had the thief.

“Captain,” he said as he arrived. As he did so, Optimus drove up and transformed as well.

The police captain rolled his eyes as he saw the Archer in Ratchet’s hands. The strange human continued to protest as Ratchet transferred custody to the police. “What is with him?” Ratchet asked. “He’s been ranting the entire way back. And I’m not sure I actually understand what he’s saying, his English is…” He trailed off with a shrug.

“No idea,” Captain Fanzone said. “But we’ll get a police psychologist to spend some time with him again.”

“Do you think that will do any good?” Optimus asked.

“Not really, but it might be interesting.”

Optimus sighed. “Well, Captain, I think that’s everything, unless someone else in this city is up to something.”

“You mean, has anyone else decided to dress up in some weird outfit and go on a crime spree? Not tonight, thankfully.”

“That’s a relief,” Ratchet said. “We were in the middle of something.”

“Anything good?”

“Just a team building game,” Optimus said. “Sari introduced it to us, and unfortunately, we’ve only gotten to play three times, and two of those times have been interrupted.”

“In that case, let’s just take care of a few little things, and I’ll let you get back to your fun,” Fanzone said. 

“Thanks,” Optimus replied. “Ratchet, head back, I’ll finish here.”

Ratchet transformed and headed out. He couldn’t help but thinking out the way back. They had played three times, and two times they’d been interrupted. What was the human phrase?

He considered it as he drove.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ratchet had made up his mind. If something happened to interrupt their game today, he was going to have to put a stop to it. True, they’d had a game day where nothing had happened since the last time with The Archer, but he didn’t trust it.

The human’s saying, after all, was “Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.” They got enough of that last as it was. 

Still, it was fun, and Primus knows the young bots, and especially the Prime, needed the outlet. If their medical officer had to put a stop to it, then he was sure there were other ways to decompress. He’d find one for Optimus somehow. Their Prime was way too tense sometimes.

He nodded to Sari as they sat around the table as usual. Sari smiled at him. “I bet you’re going to have fun today,” she said.

“I hope so,” Ratchet said. “I do like being the one to hit the bad guys over the head instead of yelling at people when they do something stupid.

Sari laughed at him. “I bet,” she teased. “Of course, even if you’re the one doing something stupid, you can still yell at others when they do.”

Ratchet paused. “True,” he said. “Hmm… I like it.”

“Uh oh, Ratchet is grinning,” Bumblebee said as he entered, carrying snacks for the bots. Prowl was following him with something for Sari. 

Prowl set the popcorn down next to Sari. Ratchet checked, but it was just popcorn, with a little salt and pepper, and that was healthy enough. 

Sari gave him a look, but Ratchet pretended not to notice. He’d studied, and he was going to make sure Sari grew up healthy, even if she was being raised by the five of them. They weren’t human, but they’d give her the best upbringing they could, until they could find and rescue her father. 

Optimus entered, followed by Bulkhead, and they both sat down. “So, what are we doing today?” Optimus asked Sari.

“Well, last time, we left off you had just met the ArchDemon, and Ratchet had just decided to attack.”

“Oh Ratchet,” Optimus said with a grin. He sounded like he was trying to sound longsuffering, but he only managed amused.

Ratchet grinned back. “I like attacking like this,” he protested.

Everyone laughed and they settled in to play.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bulkhead allowed his head to fall onto the table as the shrill “it’s an emergency” phone rang.

“Not again,” he groaned.

Optimus pulled the call up. “Captain?” he asked.

“Got a factory going crazy, like the one did a few months ago,” Captain Fanzone said. “Could be another one of those shard things.” He recited out both the address and human style coordinates. 

Optimus sighed. “We’re on our way. If the Decepticons show up, pull back.”

“Will do, Prime,” he said. A strange whirring sound intruded, and the human’s voice suddenly sounded farther away. “Hey! Give that back! Stop that drone!”

Optimus terminated the call and turned around. “You heard him,” he said. “Let’s go. If it’s a shard, we’ll probably need all of us. Sari, you stay with Bumblebee, got it?”

“Got it, Bossbot!”

Bumblebee picked her up and transformed around her as the rest of them transformed at the same time.

Ratchet was quiet as they left, which worried Optimus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Optimus groaned as they returned to the warehouse. No one had been badly hurt, but between the factory equipment going crazy, and Lugnut, everyone was going to be feeling this fight for a while. He looked over at the table their game material was still scattered on, and wanted to wince. He didn’t want to clean that up right now. 

He sighed and went over to clean it up anyway.

He stacked everyone’s sheets up as Prowl grabbed the snacks to return them to the kitchen. “No more tonight,” Optimus said. “I think we all need to rest and let our self-repair kick in.”

“You said it,” Bumblebee said, for once sounding just as tired as Optimus was. 

Sari was the only one of them who didn’t look dead on her peds… feet. “Alright,” she said. She was staying very close to Optimus, which confused him a bit, but then he remembered that he’d only barely escaped getting seriously hurt by Lugnut’s strange punching attack. 

“Do you want to stay with me tonight, Sari?” Optimus asked. It wasn’t unusual for Sari to wander into one of the ‘bot’s rooms after a bad dream, and Optimus had a feeling that one would come tonight.

“Yeah, thanks,” she said. 

Optimus put his hand down and she stepped into it without hesitation. “I’m tired,” she said as she sat down. 

“I think we all are,” Optimus said. “Bulkhead, set the automatic defenses, everyone get some rest.”

Everyone, even Ratchet, muttered their agreements and drifted off to their berths. Optimus waited a moment and then headed for his own room. “Let’s get some sleep,” he said.

“At least we got the shard,” Sari said.

“Yes,” Optimus said. “And Lugnut didn’t actually hurt anyone or destroy anything.”

“Yeah,” Sari said around a yawn.

Optimus smiled and set her down on the soft mattress he kept on a shelf for the nights she needed someone near to sleep. 

“Goodnight, Sari,” he said. as he climbed into his own berth and dimmed the lights.

“Night, Bossbot,” she replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, what were you thinking, last night?” Optimus asked as he sat next to Ratchet.

Ratchet startled but didn’t react any farther. 

“I… noticed a pattern,” he said. “Every other time we play Dungeons and Dragons, we get called out. Decepticons, the crazy human criminals, an Allspark shard… every other time.”

Optimus frowned. “You’re… you’re right. I hadn’t noticed.”

“I don’t think anyone did but me,” Ratchet replied. “It’s bothering me. I don’t believe in coincidences, but I don’t think it could be anything else.”

Ratchet watched as Optimus thought it over. “It’s been pretty quiet outside of the game nights,” he murmured.

“It’s probably nothing,” Ratchet said. “I mean, playing a game wouldn’t actually cause problems like this has. It has to mean nothing.”

The two of them, the war veteran and the very intuitive leader, were quiet as they thought. 

Ratchet didn’t like what he was thinking. “Do you think we should keep playing?”

“If you’re right, the next game should be fine,” Optimus said. “So… let’s see if the pattern holds. We’ll play the next two game nights like normal, and then reassess.” He paused. “We’re not going to tell anyone else, though.”

Ratchet nodded. “Right. I don’t want the young bots to be nervous,” he added. 

“Ratchet, normally you group me in with the young bots,” Optimus observed.

“And normally, you are a young bot. But you’re also our leader, and you need to know this.”

Optimus nodded, pensive. “Thank you for telling me,” he said.

“Thank you for taking it seriously.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prowl was certain that something was going on. They were in the middle of their second session since they’d had to abandon a session to claim an Allspark shard, and both Ratchet and Optimus were tense and worried. He could see them both trying to relax, but they were apparently waiting for something to happen.

Prowl had no idea what, the game was going well, and Optimus had just healed a small dog they’d found, and been rewarded with a gem by the dog’s owner.

Sari opened her mouth to say something, and the telephone went off.

Everyone groaned, and Optimus and Ratchet exchanged glances as Optimus went to answer it.

He returned a perhaps a minute later with an annoyed look on his face. “Professor Princess is attacking a “ugly” furniture store,” he said. 

He glanced at Ratchet and Sari. “Stay back, this time,” he said. “We’ll take care of her.”

“Prime…”

“I know, Ratchet,” Optimus replied. “Apparently, you were right.” He sighed. “Roll out,” he ordered the others. “I’ll explain afterwards.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, what were you talking about when we left?” Prowl asked as they returned, unharmed and annoyed.

“Ratchet noticed a pattern, about what happens when we play Dungeons and Dragons,” Optimus said. “Every other time we play, something happens. We’ve had Decepticons, criminals, and an Allspark shard. And it’s been quiet outside of game nights, since we started playing.”

Bumblebee and Sari both quieted and turned to look at them. “What does that mean?” Sari asked.

“I think…” Optimus’ mouth twisted into a regretful frown. “It’s a fun game, but I think we need to find a different one to play,” he admitted. “I don’t understand how it’s happening, but it’s been four times, and it can’t be a coincidence.”

Sari wilted but nodded. “Is it my fault?” she asked.

“Absolutely not,” Ratchet said firmly. “We are playing to have fun, and you introduced the game to us just so we could have fun. It’s not your fault that something weird is happening.” The oldest ‘bot paused. “Personally, I blame the planet. Weird things just seem to happen here.”

Everyone chuckled. 

“I bet we could play a bunch of different games,” Optimus said. “There are even a few from Cybertron that you might like to play, Sari.”

Sari smiled. “I’d like to learn some of your games,”

Optimus smiled right back. “Alright. Not tonight, but soon. Everyone pick out your favorite game, and we’ll start trying those out.”

Ratchet knelt down next to Sari, so he was as close to her level as he could get. “I had a lot of fun with your game, Sari,” he said. “And I don’t want to stop playing, but it’s safer if we stop.”

“I know,” Sari said. “Do you think it’ll ever be ok to play again?”

“Maybe someday,” Ratchet said. 

She nodded, but it was clear to all of them that she was trying not to tear up.

Bulkhead smiled. “I have a strategy game I think you’ll like, Sari,” he said. “We don’t have a board or pieces, do you want to help me make them so we can play sometime?”

Sari brightened at that. “Sure!” she said. She ran over to Bulkhead and smiled up at him. “That’ll be fun too!”

“Exactly,” Bulkhead said. “And I’ll teach you to play, so we can beat everyone on game night.”

Sari laughed.

Optimus smiled at Bulkhead over Sari’s head, grateful the artistic ‘bot was able to cheer up their little girl. 

Prowl felt his own smile form and was unable to stop it. They’d still be able to have fun, at least.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone was tense as they pulled out a couple of boards for various games. Last week had gone well, and now they were going to see if anything was going to happen.

It wasn’t as relaxing as usual, but by the time they stopped, everyone was laughing and teasing each other. And nothing had happened.

Optimus still wasn’t sure why it was D&D that caused the issue, but he wasn’t going to argue with the results.

Life went on. They still had to deal with the issues of living in Detroit, and who knows what would happen next. But they’d deal with it. They always did. In time, maybe they’d get to play Dungeons and Dragons again.

_Unknown to anyone, one of the shards they had collected slowly dimmed. It had thought, as much as such an item could think, they had wanted to be heroes, and had tried to give that to them. And now their wants had changed, and it would stop trying to give them their adventures._

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I hope you enjoyed this story!
> 
> I had a lot of fun with this, even though I don’t know much about D&D. That’s part of why this story didn’t focus on it very much- I didn’t want to get too much wrong.
> 
> Happy New Year! I hope your 2021 is better than your 2020.


End file.
